essays

2019 Diet Inspo

Imagine my beautiful cherubic face inches away from yours, while my impossibly small hands clap with every syllable: I AM DONE WITH THIS SHIT, AND YOU SHOULD BE DONE WITH IT TOO!!! THANK U NEXT, BITCH!!!

In preparation for what I believe is the worst month of the year for us thicc girls, I wanted to write you, my dear friends, a few reminders about why your weight or physical appearance don’t define your self-worth.

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beatriz kaye
Not All Republicans

In a world infiltrated by Mark Zuckerberg’s algorithm, I rarely get a taste of what the opposing side has to say. And since most of the people that subscribe to my blog are in my age group, I’m guessing this is a common problem. But don’t worry, dear reader, I’ve prepared for you a list of the most preposterous headlines and their highlights below:

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Breaking Up with the Kardashians

I’m a very very very loyal person. If you’ve made me feel any type of emotion, I’m probably still holding some space for you in the Six Flags branch that is my heart. Therefore, it’s not easy for me to announce, after a decade of fandom, I have officially unfollowed all of the Kardashian-Jenners’ social media accounts.

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beatriz kaye
Bobby Berk Appreciation Post/FOBs Anonymous

Your informational packet on supporting your immigrant friends through reading this news cycle has finally arrived. Has it ever occurred to you that the family separation crisis is also rooted in the alienation and othering of your FOB friends? Here are some key points to remember, complete with a glossary to debunk all your Caucasian thoughts.

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beatriz kaye
Side Hustle Blues

“Goodness” and “legitimacy” are achieved by spending time, investing financial resources, and gaining access to public platforms to share your work. The availability of these things are different for every person, so doesn’t it follow that what makes work “good” and “legitimate” is also different for each person?

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beatriz kaye
How to Spot a Fuckboy in Sheep's Clothing

Y’all really thought that because my last post was mushy as hell, that I’m different now? No, my loves, I’m still me. Fighting the good fight for women who just want to do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies. Telling y’all the ugly truths about hetero men.

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beatriz kaye
New York Transplant Comes Out as Hopeless Romantic

On Valentines Day, Trader Joe’s had a contest where, if you wrote them a love letter, they would pick the best ones to publish in the Fearless Flyer (their very prestigious weekly ad cycle) and you could win a $50 gift card. I entered a poem and I did not win. But I took that poem home, workshopped it, got drunk with it, and it took a left turn and got a little too deep.

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beatriz kaye
A Sincere Apology to "Live, Laugh, Love" People

If I were to write an Onion article, the first line would probably read, “Suburban moms realize that they can simply Live, Laugh, Love without a visual reminder, causing sales in ubiquitous wall art to plummet.” Yes, I have 100% judged a lot of people that have generic positive affirmations hanging on their wall. Like, do you actually need some shitty Walmart wall art to remind yourself to “Live, Laugh, Love??” Can’t you see how basic this makes you?

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beatriz kaye